Today I’m writing about shared video games as a family! But before we get there, I wanted to note that we are experiencing an unexpected period of disruption. We're accustomed to the everyday chaos of our neurodivergent household, but a couple of weeks ago, a sudden water leak in our home turned everything upside down. We’ve moved into a rental for the next several months and I’m dealing with insurance and an unexpected remodeling project.
During this upheaval, I'm allowing myself a lot of grace, both in my writing and in other areas of life. One lesson from navigating intense parenting years is knowing that some things will get done and others won't. When life feels like a constant state of triage, you learn to focus on what's most important and keep moving forward. I do love connecting with others in this writing space and I’ll show up here as often as I can manage it!
For the past month, my family and I have been diving into the Apple Arcade game Sneaky Sasquatch. It's been an interesting experiment. Half of us are avid gamers, while the other half generally prefers reading, nature and adventures.
For many years, the reigning champion of digital games in our home has been Minecraft. I play it in short sessions to connect with my kiddo, but honestly, it’s one of my least favorite shared activities. It makes my brain hurt and gives me motion sickness. At the same time, I've observed huge growth in my kids through their playing Minecraft. My PDA kiddo, in particular, has blossomed in their use of written language. They find Minecraft to be a safe place to socialize, with their god-like powers to invite others into their world… and quickly boot them as needed.
I've noticed a pattern based on our limited data set: those in our family with strong visual-spatial skills, including at least one dyslexic member, are the ones who adore Minecraft. My own hyperlexic, aphantasic brain with low visual-spatial skills doesn’t mesh well with the game. Despite my attempts to connect through gaming, I could never really join in on the Minecraft immersive experience. As one of my kids likes to say, I have “major skill issues” when it comes to Minecraft. I’ve always been super grateful that my partner can keep up with our kids’ games, seemingly with little effort.
It’s been a new adventure to have a game that I not only play to connect with my young people, but actually play in my own free time for fun. Having a shared game to play is reminiscent of reading aloud to my kids, which is something I loved so much and still miss. I do try to read to my kids as a family but see decidedly mixed results at these middler ages. Reading aloud one-on-one is more likely to be successful, but then it’s hard to make the time to read three different books, and it often feels like a better choice to spend that precious focused time in joining each of them in something they love.
Now, just like the book references that used to flow naturally into our conversations, we share little insider jokes about Sasquatch as we go through our days. That’s one of the things I’m really enjoying about video games at this stage—it’s something we can all do together, and gaming brings us closer since we’ve chosen to embrace it.
It wasn’t always this way for us. We maintained several years of one-hour screen time limits, and during that time, we connected in ways that felt more easily aligned for me as a parent - exploring nature, reading books, engaging in movement, and playing board games.
Yet, as our young people grew, they needed more freedom to explore the things they loved and to experiment with making their own choices. I don’t regret following their lead; we’ve built strong relationships that I believe could only flourish with collaborative, non-hierarchical connections.
I often come back to my memories of being a kid who “read too much” - that is, constantly. Books were my lifeline. I’ve come to accept that for some kids, their lifeline is digital. Like books, video games tell a story, with added elements of problem-solving, collaboration, and challenge.
While overall I’m really enjoying playing this game and sharing it with my family, I have noticed a few things I feel mixed about. I have often found myself playing Sasquatch when I would have otherwise grabbed a book. Books were my first love, and it feels strange that the pace of my reading life has slowed considerably these last few weeks.
On the other hand, we’ve had an unusually stressful month that includes a large home insurance claim. In this context, it makes sense that the easy joy of a video game might be just the thing that I need right now. Sasquatch also offers novelty and a interesting plot combined with a virtual treasure hunt.
Overall, diving into a good book is definitely more relaxing and rejuvenating for me. But maybe there’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation here—I can focus better on reading when I’m less stressed. It’s likely that some of our young people will also branch out to other interests as their own capacity for self-regulation grows.
There have been a few times this month when I noticed something like a hyper-fixation experience, in thinking about the game when I didn’t particularly want to be or playing for longer than I had intended. But, when the alternative task on my plate was researching new flooring—something I have zero natural interest in—it’s also perfectly understandable. I feel like I have a better understanding of my teenager and how they might feel in pausing a game to do their course work. Even though they have opted in for algebra or whatever it is that day, it’s not always easy to get started.
And now, I think Sneaky Sasquatch is calling. :)
What is your family’s experience with digital games? Do you have any favorites that you play together? And how do you help foster a sense of balance in family life? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments!
I feel like we’re on the same page with a lot of what you said. I can’t play Minecraft because of the motion sickness. They sometimes show me what they’re doing, though. I’ve never limited my kids’ tech time but have always talked about being mindful of how you’re feeling throughout. I still feel good about that. We all have a pretty good balance between books and tech. We have to work a bit more at physical movement and meeting up with people in person.
I love how you looked deeper beneath your reasons for gaming, rather than quickly minimizing the reason you might choose gaming over reading. Blame screens can take over so quickly instead of trying to understand. Thanks for helping me to think more deeply about this.