Turtle Days while Unschooling Teens and Tweens
We keep moving along slowly while the world spins too fast
Many writers here on Substack talk about being driven to write, especially during times of stress.
Clearly, that is not my experience. In times of stress I somehow seem to get the essentials done and then spend whatever bits of time are left escaping into books, taking naps, and getting out into nature.1
What qualifies as “essential,” and therefore gets done, varies. Some things inevitably fall through the cracks. It’s triage mode around here and while that has been true for a long time (hello, complex parenting) it feels even more so lately.
Parenting, staying in connection with my young people, and supporting them in their learning has remained a priority. This means things like writing here on Substack, paid work, and most everything else, move along more slowly. So it goes. With one child starting dual enrollment at the local community college this Fall, another needing a lot of activities and social engagement to be happy, and the third just needing a lot of connection, letting those things fall to the side wasn’t an option.
At the same time, there are many home ed related things that I had hoped to get to that I just can’t while also managing massive home repairs/renovation and All The Things. I miss creating the day-to-day magic of unschooling like scavenger hunts, field trips, and impromptu explorations.
Though I’m beginning to realize that I also just miss my kids being younger, when simple things like discovering a new playground sparked pure excitement.
Although it was challenging—and sometimes really hard—I navigated the dance of meeting all three of their needs at once via carefully thought out rhythms and activities, often in community with other homeschooling families.
That’s clearly not possible now, as they have widely varying interests and needs. It’s a constant balancing act.
Home Ed in the Teen Years
I remember being a parent of little ones, thinking that my partner and I would have more time together as they got older. But in these middling adolescent years, we often feel like ships passing in the night—juggling activities, helping our teen log student driving hours, and just generally making time to engage with our kids in the things they love.
I’m glad we created a solid foundation of connection, years ago, to get us through. It’s easier now to see how so many married couples drift apart. These years are hard in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It’s not the “I’ve had a small human attached to my body for days on end” physical exhaustion of the early years. Instead, it’s mentally draining to figure out how to meet everyone’s social and emotional needs, while also trying to share life lessons while they are still living at home.
There’s been plenty written about homeschooling and unschooling younger kids, but far less about the teen years—and even less when it comes to home educating neurodivergent or disabled kids. I can recommend Sue Patterson’s book, Homeschooled Teens Book: 75 Young People Speak About Their Lives Without School, as a valuable resource. It is a bit of a different perspective because Sue interviewed the youth themselves, which I always appreciate!
This ties into my upcoming dissertation research on how self-directed teens transition into adult life. My preliminary interviews suggest that community college plays a significant role in helping unschooled youth find their way. So far, my teen’s experience with community college as his first ever classroom experience has been mostly very good, and smoother than I would have anticipated.
I'd love to see more of these stories being shared, yet I'm feeling more protective than ever about what I share online. My kids' stories belong to them, even though our lives are intertwined as they've always been.
Ten plus years into home educating, I only occasionally peruse homeschooling books, podcasts, and other materials. I didn’t need to research curriculum this Fall, and instead just reupped a few subscriptions like Beast Academy and Prodigy.
Of course, we're still homeschoolers, but the practice of life learning is so ingrained now that it just feels like how we live our lives.
I do get to spend time thinking and talking about home education with consulting clients, especially in the context of unschooling PDA kids, and thank goodness for that. It’s a joy to revisit the early years and help brainstorm ideas for those younger ages.
Because I’ve had to do far too much house cleaning and sorting due to the forced renovation happening at our house, I’m coming across a lot of treasures like this map I helped one of my kiddos with when we were reading the Wizard of Oz:
These discoveries fill me with nostalgia. One day, I’ll no doubt be missing these tumultuous teen and tween years too. So I’m trying to stay present and appreciate all of the ways my kids still surprise and delight me, in all their prickly glory.
How about you? How do you balance the diverse needs and interests of your family members as everyone grows older and seeks different paths? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you!
- Marni
P.S. I'm slipping this post in just under the wire on the last day of September to meet my self-imposed goal of writing once a month. These days, that's about all I can manage, so it'll have to be enough. Thank you for sticking around through this tough season.
If you are curious, my Sneaky Sasquatch period persisted for a few weeks, but my interest quickly dropped off. It was fun, and I have just a little bit better understanding of the video game lovers in our family. But I’m not itching to pick up another one any time in the very near future, beyond the usual gaming for connection that I’ve been doing for years. Thank you, Minecraft and Terraria.
As my kids have entered the high school years, I have moved into the role of high school guidance counselor, mainly keeping track of their transcripts and offering courses from several different sources for them to choose from. Instead of strewing materials, hoping something will catch their interests, I rely on the kids to tell me what books and supplies they need. We’ve spent the last five years learning how we learn best, and all of that knowledge is now proving to be fruitful. I imagine I will need to make fewer and fewer suggestions and course offerings as they begin to tell me what’s next.