For me, it has been a lot easier slowly recognizing that I'm autistic as a middle-aged adult. There are so many of us out there, especially women without a formal diagnosis. So many Facebook groups, so little time!
Both of my sons were identified as gifted in the primary grades, and as autistic in fourth grade. They don't fit the old stereotypes, either. It was hard on my oldest to get a diagnosis at a time when no one could really tell him (or me) what it meant. People had commented on how bright he was since he was two months old. Now, the therapist was telling me - in front of him - that he was going to struggle through life and never be able to do this or that. Schools didn't know what to do with him and decided he was being defiant on purpose, not having actual anxiety or learning difficulty. Unfortunately, 15 years later, I am still hearing these stories from other parents.
Thank you Marni. I always love what you share. I discovered that I am Autistic PDA profile when I searched for ways to support my Autistic PDA profile son. We were both struggling to survive. As I leaned into my intuition rather than the support offered by the mainstream avenues it was if a foggy mirror was clearing. I was able to truly see myself and my son in a new light. We did this discovering mostly alone. At the time it seemed the only way and maybe for us it was. As we began to identify ways to support ourselves, we also discovered friendships. Slowly and in small doses but we found them nonetheless. For the first time I truly felt seen in those connections. I didn't need to be someone else or behave in a way that was expected by others to have connection. It was so validating each time I connected authentically. These experiences have changed the way I interact with the world in the best of ways. They inspire me to offer more of myself and to create opportunities for others to be held in safe environments so that they can do the same. Finding my Autistic identity has opened the world to me in ways I could have never imagined. I am truly and deeply grateful.
I’d love to know more about whether you sought diagnosis. I only recently realized that I also may be autistic…but it’s hard to know if pursuing a diagnosis as an adult is worthwhile. Thanks!
I recently did get an "official" confirmation, for professional reasons, since I'm working on projects related to neurodivergence. I personally wouldn't have done it early in my exploration. I am extremely resistant to the idea of anyone deciding anything about me that I haven't decided for myself. ;)
In this case, I chose a neuro-affirming Autistic evaluator who could do a relatively low-cost eval online. It was fine. Pretty anti-climactic really, as though I paid someone to confirm that I need nine hours of sleep or some other thing that I very much already know about myself. I feel less attached to the ADHD neurotype, so confirmation of that I think will shift some things for me, but I wouldn't have done it just for that.
Feel free to PM me if you want a few places to check out for neuro-affirming evals. :)
Marni congrats for your course! I’m constantly inspired by your knowledge and the experiences you share xx
I'm inspired by you too Fran. I love your writing! :)
For me, it has been a lot easier slowly recognizing that I'm autistic as a middle-aged adult. There are so many of us out there, especially women without a formal diagnosis. So many Facebook groups, so little time!
Both of my sons were identified as gifted in the primary grades, and as autistic in fourth grade. They don't fit the old stereotypes, either. It was hard on my oldest to get a diagnosis at a time when no one could really tell him (or me) what it meant. People had commented on how bright he was since he was two months old. Now, the therapist was telling me - in front of him - that he was going to struggle through life and never be able to do this or that. Schools didn't know what to do with him and decided he was being defiant on purpose, not having actual anxiety or learning difficulty. Unfortunately, 15 years later, I am still hearing these stories from other parents.
Thank you Marni. I always love what you share. I discovered that I am Autistic PDA profile when I searched for ways to support my Autistic PDA profile son. We were both struggling to survive. As I leaned into my intuition rather than the support offered by the mainstream avenues it was if a foggy mirror was clearing. I was able to truly see myself and my son in a new light. We did this discovering mostly alone. At the time it seemed the only way and maybe for us it was. As we began to identify ways to support ourselves, we also discovered friendships. Slowly and in small doses but we found them nonetheless. For the first time I truly felt seen in those connections. I didn't need to be someone else or behave in a way that was expected by others to have connection. It was so validating each time I connected authentically. These experiences have changed the way I interact with the world in the best of ways. They inspire me to offer more of myself and to create opportunities for others to be held in safe environments so that they can do the same. Finding my Autistic identity has opened the world to me in ways I could have never imagined. I am truly and deeply grateful.
I’d love to know more about whether you sought diagnosis. I only recently realized that I also may be autistic…but it’s hard to know if pursuing a diagnosis as an adult is worthwhile. Thanks!
I recently did get an "official" confirmation, for professional reasons, since I'm working on projects related to neurodivergence. I personally wouldn't have done it early in my exploration. I am extremely resistant to the idea of anyone deciding anything about me that I haven't decided for myself. ;)
In this case, I chose a neuro-affirming Autistic evaluator who could do a relatively low-cost eval online. It was fine. Pretty anti-climactic really, as though I paid someone to confirm that I need nine hours of sleep or some other thing that I very much already know about myself. I feel less attached to the ADHD neurotype, so confirmation of that I think will shift some things for me, but I wouldn't have done it just for that.
Feel free to PM me if you want a few places to check out for neuro-affirming evals. :)