Thanks for sharing this Marni. There is a whole undercurrent of “don’t worry, unschooled kids learn all the same things!” And well, I agree that that is simply untrue for many kids. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to believe that given that school curriculum is to an extent arbitrary - why would they want to learn the same things if they’re given the chance not to? We are definitely in the place you describe.
For sure! Plus I was one of those kids who got straight As, but rapidly forgot everything I had crammed for each exam, because I didn't really care. What a waste of energy.
I started doing some preliminary work for my current research class, interviewing parents of now-adult unschoolers to learn about their transitions to adulthood. The stories are so fascinating! It'll still be awhile to finish coursework and all, but I'm so excited to continue that thread for my dissertation research. Two themes were "it'll be okay, don't worry so much, they'll figure it out with support" and "because of unschooling and practicing self-determination, they know themselves far better than we (adults) ever could, and we could never have directed them into their current lives that suit them so well."
We still have so many joyful moments and days, when life feels aligned. But unschooling is messy and I think we need to own and lean into that!
Thanks so much for sharing this! I wish I (and others who need it) heard this message more often. With kids who struggle and who are often bored or not interested in "learning" and other activities I often feel like unschooling isn't working for us or that life would be easier if we took a different approach. But we've tried other approaches which are not easier and I really appreciate your reminder that unschooling isn't going to produce the same result as conventional school and we wouldn't necessarily want it to. I definitely need to spend some time reconnecting with my goals for unschooling to remind myself that as hard as it is for us, we are (maybe) on the right path.
It looks like the most recent episode of Tilt Parenting Podcast is about positive disintegration. Off to check it out!
Thanks for sharing your experience Anna. It can be really tricky. We still have wonderful days where we feel in the flow around here, but it's a lot messier as they get older and just for certain kids.
Plus social media posts can make it seem like unschooled kids will naturally fill the bulk of their time with pinterest worthy projects and that just isn't always the case. And that's okay!
I'm going to listen to that episode today too. Thanks for the reminder!
"So instead of mostly trying to get my kids to join me in the things I value, I started to focus instead on how I could join them. I made a commitment to practice saying “yes” whenever possible."
This can be one of the joys (although maybe difficult still) of unschooling versus a Self-Directed Education community. At an SDE center the pressure to be offering things of [adult] value is often greater than in unschooling and it is ever present because of our schooled mindsets, demands of parents, and a desire to appeal to prospective parents. Additionally, logistically, it is easier to say yes to one or a few of your own children than it is to seven to fifteen enrolled kids.
Thanks for that reflection Antonio. I can see how it would be harder to support individual kids’ interests in a center. I hope to spend some time as a staff member in a SDE center again someday - I think it would be very interesting to compare with our unschooling experiences. I imagine different kids are better suited for one or the other though, and that likely changes over time as well.
Thanks for sharing this Marni. There is a whole undercurrent of “don’t worry, unschooled kids learn all the same things!” And well, I agree that that is simply untrue for many kids. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to believe that given that school curriculum is to an extent arbitrary - why would they want to learn the same things if they’re given the chance not to? We are definitely in the place you describe.
For sure! Plus I was one of those kids who got straight As, but rapidly forgot everything I had crammed for each exam, because I didn't really care. What a waste of energy.
I started doing some preliminary work for my current research class, interviewing parents of now-adult unschoolers to learn about their transitions to adulthood. The stories are so fascinating! It'll still be awhile to finish coursework and all, but I'm so excited to continue that thread for my dissertation research. Two themes were "it'll be okay, don't worry so much, they'll figure it out with support" and "because of unschooling and practicing self-determination, they know themselves far better than we (adults) ever could, and we could never have directed them into their current lives that suit them so well."
We still have so many joyful moments and days, when life feels aligned. But unschooling is messy and I think we need to own and lean into that!
I cannot wait to know more about your research, sounds fascinating!!
Thanks so much for sharing this! I wish I (and others who need it) heard this message more often. With kids who struggle and who are often bored or not interested in "learning" and other activities I often feel like unschooling isn't working for us or that life would be easier if we took a different approach. But we've tried other approaches which are not easier and I really appreciate your reminder that unschooling isn't going to produce the same result as conventional school and we wouldn't necessarily want it to. I definitely need to spend some time reconnecting with my goals for unschooling to remind myself that as hard as it is for us, we are (maybe) on the right path.
It looks like the most recent episode of Tilt Parenting Podcast is about positive disintegration. Off to check it out!
Thanks for sharing your experience Anna. It can be really tricky. We still have wonderful days where we feel in the flow around here, but it's a lot messier as they get older and just for certain kids.
Plus social media posts can make it seem like unschooled kids will naturally fill the bulk of their time with pinterest worthy projects and that just isn't always the case. And that's okay!
I'm going to listen to that episode today too. Thanks for the reminder!
I had to let go of the idea that every bit of learning had to result in an “acceptable product.”
For sure! And also that learning should look a certain way, on a certain timeline. Thanks for reading. :)
Great essay.
"So instead of mostly trying to get my kids to join me in the things I value, I started to focus instead on how I could join them. I made a commitment to practice saying “yes” whenever possible."
This can be one of the joys (although maybe difficult still) of unschooling versus a Self-Directed Education community. At an SDE center the pressure to be offering things of [adult] value is often greater than in unschooling and it is ever present because of our schooled mindsets, demands of parents, and a desire to appeal to prospective parents. Additionally, logistically, it is easier to say yes to one or a few of your own children than it is to seven to fifteen enrolled kids.
Thanks for that reflection Antonio. I can see how it would be harder to support individual kids’ interests in a center. I hope to spend some time as a staff member in a SDE center again someday - I think it would be very interesting to compare with our unschooling experiences. I imagine different kids are better suited for one or the other though, and that likely changes over time as well.