We're about to start homeschooling in the Fall. After a year at a Sudbury School that is not fitting well. My kiddo (11 years old) has enjoyed seeing her progress along the Khan Academy curriculum this year. I work full-time and wonder how long it will continue to look like this - where she enjoys learning by herself, choosing material by herself, and celebrating progress with the rest of us. This post and your appearance on the Low Demand Summit have helped me emphasize FLEXIBILITY in my views. Thank you!
Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for your comment! Some of our kids really do like academic stuff and can be pretty independent with it. And yes, I think you have the right idea to hold it lightly, just in case their interests turn to other things (especially during those tricky middle school years!).
"It takes time and experimentation to develop your own sense of what you like, how to pursue it, when to stop, and how to balance everything."
Yes!
Schooling does much more harm to people than even most unschoolers realize.
Schooling is a disembodying experience that leads people to neglect themselves in the service of something else (e.g., authority, success, prestige, institutions, ideology, dominant culture).
While some of it is intentional, much of it is just a consequence of stealing time (and dreams) from people. They never get the chance to develop their own sense of what they care about.
I feel this too, especially from my own experiences. I “won” in the rat race of schools in some ways, and only much later was able to reflect on what that all meant. For me, and also for the people who “didn’t win” in direct comparison at such a narrow band of academic skills.
Alright, I need to see your reading list. Twice now you have highlighted a book that I absolutely loved and tell others about, but that most have not heard of--first Neuroqueer Heresies and now The Book of Learning and Forgetting.
This made me smile. :) Those books are both so good!
My reading habit has been much impacted by being a doctoral program as of late. One that I’m currently reading that I think you would like is The Empire of Normality: Neurodiversity and Capitalism by Robert Chapman.
Thanks for this Marni. As an Unschooling family I am often in awe of what materializes when I trust my son's instincts (and let go of my conditioning / fear) in regard to what he wishes to learn. I need to remember this when I am questioning the validity of what we are doing. Fearing that I / we are not doing "enough". Usually when those thoughts begin to creep in, I am soon dumbstruck by what he accomplishes in an activity where I was struggling to see "value" by my own terms. I too think that it would be "easier" to follow a set curriculum but in our circumstances our son's intense need for autonomy does not allow for us to take that path. Quite frankly I am grateful for it. I find myself acting as a "curator" of sorts...chasing his desires and the pull of his heart strings. It is so satisfying to see that he has the ability to know himself and the strength to advocate for his needs and desires- especially when it comes to what he is interested in and what feeds his soul. I am a firm believer that if you are doing something that you love and that you are in flow with that you will be supported with success. So far so good :)
It's fun to hear updates of how it's going for you two! When our little people have such a strong knowledge of themselves from birth, sometimes we just have to go along for the ride. ;)
This is a really interesting blog post for me because right at the moment I’m starting to feel like my youngest (my home ed kiddo) is _maybe_ wanting to transition from our eclectic/semi-structured mode of home ed to a more ‘unschooly’ / self-determined vibe. (Just to complicate matters, we actually started out initially more unschooly but it quickly became apparent that she needed more structure - like me, she’s autistic and we both crave routine and familiarity - but now that structure is starting to feel too tight - it’s hard to put into words.) So thanks for this. I believe the expression is ‘food for thought’.
Thanks for sharing! I can relate to what you're describing. One of my kids likes more structure than the others, which we've managed by signing them up for classes and events. It's a lot to balance though, especially with multiple kids in the family, and then sorting our own needs as adults as well.
Often, we are too quick to put rules and definitions around things like unschooling. I've been working with homeschooling families for over 15 years, and I've seen just about everything labeled “unschooling.” Each parent is sure their unschooling is REAL unschooling.
In my mind, it is just being tuned in to your kids and working with them cooperatively. Getting rid of coercive practices doesn't mean you never suggest an activity! Also, our children are so different from each other in most cases and are always growing and changing. Remaining flexible is key.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, in my mind, it’s the commitment to non-coercion (and maybe even further, to actively avoid placing expectations) that differentiates unschooling vs. eclectic homeschooling. I definitely still offer a lot and even give gentle encouragement for stretching boundaries! But they really know it’s ultimately their choice.
We're about to start homeschooling in the Fall. After a year at a Sudbury School that is not fitting well. My kiddo (11 years old) has enjoyed seeing her progress along the Khan Academy curriculum this year. I work full-time and wonder how long it will continue to look like this - where she enjoys learning by herself, choosing material by herself, and celebrating progress with the rest of us. This post and your appearance on the Low Demand Summit have helped me emphasize FLEXIBILITY in my views. Thank you!
Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for your comment! Some of our kids really do like academic stuff and can be pretty independent with it. And yes, I think you have the right idea to hold it lightly, just in case their interests turn to other things (especially during those tricky middle school years!).
Such a refreshing read. Thank you!
"It takes time and experimentation to develop your own sense of what you like, how to pursue it, when to stop, and how to balance everything."
Yes!
Schooling does much more harm to people than even most unschoolers realize.
Schooling is a disembodying experience that leads people to neglect themselves in the service of something else (e.g., authority, success, prestige, institutions, ideology, dominant culture).
While some of it is intentional, much of it is just a consequence of stealing time (and dreams) from people. They never get the chance to develop their own sense of what they care about.
I feel this too, especially from my own experiences. I “won” in the rat race of schools in some ways, and only much later was able to reflect on what that all meant. For me, and also for the people who “didn’t win” in direct comparison at such a narrow band of academic skills.
Alright, I need to see your reading list. Twice now you have highlighted a book that I absolutely loved and tell others about, but that most have not heard of--first Neuroqueer Heresies and now The Book of Learning and Forgetting.
This made me smile. :) Those books are both so good!
My reading habit has been much impacted by being a doctoral program as of late. One that I’m currently reading that I think you would like is The Empire of Normality: Neurodiversity and Capitalism by Robert Chapman.
Thanks for this Marni. As an Unschooling family I am often in awe of what materializes when I trust my son's instincts (and let go of my conditioning / fear) in regard to what he wishes to learn. I need to remember this when I am questioning the validity of what we are doing. Fearing that I / we are not doing "enough". Usually when those thoughts begin to creep in, I am soon dumbstruck by what he accomplishes in an activity where I was struggling to see "value" by my own terms. I too think that it would be "easier" to follow a set curriculum but in our circumstances our son's intense need for autonomy does not allow for us to take that path. Quite frankly I am grateful for it. I find myself acting as a "curator" of sorts...chasing his desires and the pull of his heart strings. It is so satisfying to see that he has the ability to know himself and the strength to advocate for his needs and desires- especially when it comes to what he is interested in and what feeds his soul. I am a firm believer that if you are doing something that you love and that you are in flow with that you will be supported with success. So far so good :)
It's fun to hear updates of how it's going for you two! When our little people have such a strong knowledge of themselves from birth, sometimes we just have to go along for the ride. ;)
This is a really interesting blog post for me because right at the moment I’m starting to feel like my youngest (my home ed kiddo) is _maybe_ wanting to transition from our eclectic/semi-structured mode of home ed to a more ‘unschooly’ / self-determined vibe. (Just to complicate matters, we actually started out initially more unschooly but it quickly became apparent that she needed more structure - like me, she’s autistic and we both crave routine and familiarity - but now that structure is starting to feel too tight - it’s hard to put into words.) So thanks for this. I believe the expression is ‘food for thought’.
Thanks for sharing! I can relate to what you're describing. One of my kids likes more structure than the others, which we've managed by signing them up for classes and events. It's a lot to balance though, especially with multiple kids in the family, and then sorting our own needs as adults as well.
Often, we are too quick to put rules and definitions around things like unschooling. I've been working with homeschooling families for over 15 years, and I've seen just about everything labeled “unschooling.” Each parent is sure their unschooling is REAL unschooling.
In my mind, it is just being tuned in to your kids and working with them cooperatively. Getting rid of coercive practices doesn't mean you never suggest an activity! Also, our children are so different from each other in most cases and are always growing and changing. Remaining flexible is key.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, in my mind, it’s the commitment to non-coercion (and maybe even further, to actively avoid placing expectations) that differentiates unschooling vs. eclectic homeschooling. I definitely still offer a lot and even give gentle encouragement for stretching boundaries! But they really know it’s ultimately their choice.